Proverbs 18:15-21 – Dealing with conflicts and difficulties

To grow in knowledge is a wise thing. Hence, if we are to grow in it we must place ourselves in the disposition to acquire more of it. Verse 15 tells us that wisdom comes through patient listening to sound teachings. To listen requires that we be attentive. Some people can hear with their physical ear and not be able to get the message. It’s because there is a lack of attentiveness. Here in verse 15 suggests that we must not only hear with our physical ear but also to be attentive in our heart and mind.  Having given his preambles on wisdom and knowledge, Solomon went on to give a few tips on settling dispute.

Verse 16 shows us that giving gift is one way to gain friendship. A gift given at the right time at the right place can have its advantage. A gift often opens up ways for us to interact further with others. This could also be seen in the context of spiritual gift. The more we use our God-given gift, the more we will be recognized for what we have. In so doing we make room for ourselves to exercise it.  

Verse 17 suggests that we must not just conclude from the surface. In order to get the truth, we need to carefully evaluate the evidence. In dealing with conflict, we must not conclude by just listening to one side. We need to evaluate the evidence given from all parties so that we can adequately understand the nature of the conflict. We must always come to a conclusion only after listening to all available evidences. It is fair to come to a conclusion only after listening to both the accuser and the accused. In the Bible, casting the lots is seen to be seeking the will of the divine. This is done when there seems to be a deadlock and it is hard to differentiate who’s right. One example is the use of the Urim and Thummin during Moses time (Exodus 28:30). Another example is found in the book of Acts when the apostles were choosing someone to replace Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus.

Verse 19 tells us that it is always harder to settle a dispute between brothers. In fact, the closer the relationship the harder it is to settle any misunderstanding, unless one is willing to back down. Enmity between two brothers can be more bitter than two strangers. It is always harder to reconcile two hurting brothers. Their hearts are usually closely shut. It is harder than storming a stronghold with tough enforcement. 

Verses 20-21 suggest one way to avoid conflict is to speak cautiously. What we say can determine how others will assess us. It behoves us that we must always be responsible for the words we utter. Our words have the power to frame our world for us. We can create the environment for peaceful existence by our words or we can bring bitterness by saying the wrong things. Remember the power of life and death lies in what we say. Don’t make your bed hard because finally you have to lie on it.