Proverbs 23:1-11 – Manners that can build or stifle relationship

All of us are formed at birth but deformed by sin. In school we are informed and in prison criminals are reformed. For us believers in Christ, daily we are being transformed. We are thankful that the Lord through His Spirit is changing us from glory to glory, progressively and incrementally. By the Spirit and the Written Word of God, He guides us in the transformation. He shows us a higher model of perspectives and manners we should adopt and also what we should discard.

The first three verses of Proverbs 23 encourage us to exercise good social graces in life. They reflect our personality and commend us to others. They can enhance our reputation or destroy our image before people. One social grace that we are advised to avoid is gluttony, especially when dinning with people of high stature. If self-restraint is not shown, one can incur the displeasure of our host. In addition, we need to be discerning when eating, some foods are offered with secret agendas. What this verse is telling us is to relate with others discerningly. There are meals that are offered with a sinister intention.    

Proverbs 23:4-5 counsel us not to be fixated with wealth. Making treasure and wealth the primary focus of life can be harmful. They often lead people to scheme and plot to acquire them. When one’s mind is focussed on wealth only, one’s whole life will be consumed in getting rich to the exclusion of other needful duties in life. These verses show us that wealth is transitory. They are never permanent. Why put our whole life and attention on something that can take wings and fly away?

While the previous two verses advise us not to be fixated with wealth, Proverbs 23:6-8 advise us to be cautious when dining with a person who is stingy. He may extend a cordial invitation but while you are dinning with him, he will be calculating the cost of his hospitality. His words and his heart may be incongruent. He may be asking you to eat but at the same time is worried about the cost the meal will incur. The realization of the host’s misery may cause the joy of dinning with such a person dissipate. And the compliments given to him may become vomit, meaning undigested food.

Proverbs 23:9 cautions us about discussing with foolish people. They can never appreciate wise counsel and one may be wasting time trying to explain the intricacies of a matter. Besides, a fool will not appreciate the wisdom, even if he could grasp the intention of the counsel.

Proverbs 23:10-11 return to the subject of covetousness, dealt with earlier in Proverbs 22:8. Intruding into boundaries not belonging to us is offensive. We must always respect what belong to others, especially those belonging to people who are incapable of defending themselves. The LORD is just and is a defender of the oppressed. He will be their vindicator and redeemer.

These verses bring us back to Romans 12:2. We must not conform to the standards of this world. We must change our perspective to those that God values. When we do that we will experience the good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Seek to live with a transformed mind.