In relating with each other, there bounds to
come times when we don’t see eye to eye. We are all individuals with different
temperaments and mentality that will cause us to view and deal with issues of
life differently. Here are some ways people deal with a conflict and offence. They
sideline the offender. They retaliate and seek to make the offender’s life
difficult and miserable when they have the power to. Thirdly, they will talk with
the seeming offender cursorily and felt justified putting that person at arm’s
length. We all probably know of victims who are sidelined by friends, colleagues
and even bosses whom they have knowingly or unknowingly offended. This kind of reaction
is common among those who do not know Christ Jesus and understandably so. But
what’s disturbing is when this kind of attitude is seen and even practiced in
the church of Christ. To the Lord, repentance, resolution, reconciliation and
forgiveness are important issues in living life in His new community.
What exactly must we do when our views
conflict and we get offended by the other person and vice-versa? The Lord in His
wisdom teaches us what to do with a person whom in our view is an offender. The
first step to do is to show the offender his or her fault in private. When the
person recognizes it and repents, we have gained a brother or a sister, and
fellowship can and should continue. But if the person stubbornly refuses to listen
and acknowledge his or her wrong, take two or more people along to talk to that
offender. The reason is obvious. It can be a reality check for the person
seeking redress. The offender may have his or her version of the actual story. Therefore,
it is needful to bring people who are objective, and not those that would agree
with you even when you are wrong. The point is this: any perceived wrong should
be adequately proven and affirmed by the mouths of two or three witnesses. If
the offender persists to deny despite all the clear evidences, make it known publicly
to the fellowship. The word church throws us off. Here Jesus meant the assembly
of people much like a cell group meeting in our day. And if at this stage, the
person still remains unrepentant, it would become justified to treat the person
as an outcast of the community.
Together with this tough challenge of
dealing with an offender, Jesus promises to be with His people. He does not
leave us alone to struggle to be the kind of people, families or communities He
wants us to be. The Lord is with us in all these challenges. He tells us here
that though we may not be able to see with our naked eyes, yet there is a
spiritual dimension where the Lord is at work in the activities we are engaged
in here on earth. When we pray together we get the assurance that our prayers
are being heard by the Lord. This is a great promise - He is with us when we are
gathered in His name to honor Him. However, this is not just a promise but also
a caution that He sees and knows exactly what’s in each person’s heart. The steps
to address an issue and seek reconciliation may not be easy. It, in fact, is
costly. When we courageously take up the challenge to do it Christ’s way, we
can anticipate a joyful end.
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