Proverbs 18:22-24 – Building true friendship

Thomas Aquinas, a medieval scholar said, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than friendship.” We all need friends, good friends. They value add to our life. True friends provide the assurance that no matter what and when, they will be there when you need them most. Without friends, life can be dreary and measly. That’s why elsewhere in the book of Proverbs we are told that “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Here in Proverbs 18:22-24, we see the value of having a good friend.  

Proverbs 18:22 tells us that the best friend a man can have is a godly wife. It says, “He who finds a good wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the LORD.” And conversely, it must also be true that a best friend a woman can have is a godly husband. God knew that from the onset. After He had created the first man, Adam, He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” So, God made Eve, a helpmeet fit for him. From this we surmise that a godly marriage is God’s intention and it is a blessing from Him. To have a godly spouse is truly a plus to life. A godly spouse helps one to advance spiritually and morally. This is certainly an asset from God. Husband and wife should seek to be each other’s best friend and counsel in life’s journey.

There is nothing wrong with having riches but it can become a hindrance to friendship when one lacks generosity. It is true that riches can cause a person to be indifferent and heartless toward the poor. The rich should not allow their wealth to separate them from the poor but to show compassion instead. This verse serves as a call for one not to be blinded by riches till he will not associate with people who are needy.

The essence of verse 24 is this: a handful of good friends is better than a multiple dozens of bad ones. Wisdom dictates that we make friends sensibly and sagaciously. There are lots of unscrupulous, unprincipled people out there seeking to cheat and take advantage of those who are gullible and undiscerning. We should not indiscriminately multiply friends. It is wise therefore, to choose one’s friends carefully. They can influence us for good or for evil. It is better to have few but good friends than have plenty of bad ones. However, there is one that we cannot afford not to have. He is none other than the Lord Jesus Christ. He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He tells us that there is no greater love than His. He is the friend that has laid down His life for us. And now He walks with us through the thick and thin of life, if we let Him. He promises to never leave or forsake us. What a friend we have in Jesus! Don’t neglect but cultivate and nurture a deeper friendship with Him. We will never regret it.

Proverbs 18:15-21 – Dealing with conflicts and difficulties

To grow in knowledge is a wise thing. Hence, if we are to grow in it we must place ourselves in the disposition to acquire more of it. Verse 15 tells us that wisdom comes through patient listening to sound teachings. To listen requires that we be attentive. Some people can hear with their physical ear and not be able to get the message. It’s because there is a lack of attentiveness. Here in verse 15 suggests that we must not only hear with our physical ear but also to be attentive in our heart and mind.  Having given his preambles on wisdom and knowledge, Solomon went on to give a few tips on settling dispute.

Verse 16 shows us that giving gift is one way to gain friendship. A gift given at the right time at the right place can have its advantage. A gift often opens up ways for us to interact further with others. This could also be seen in the context of spiritual gift. The more we use our God-given gift, the more we will be recognized for what we have. In so doing we make room for ourselves to exercise it.  

Verse 17 suggests that we must not just conclude from the surface. In order to get the truth, we need to carefully evaluate the evidence. In dealing with conflict, we must not conclude by just listening to one side. We need to evaluate the evidence given from all parties so that we can adequately understand the nature of the conflict. We must always come to a conclusion only after listening to all available evidences. It is fair to come to a conclusion only after listening to both the accuser and the accused. In the Bible, casting the lots is seen to be seeking the will of the divine. This is done when there seems to be a deadlock and it is hard to differentiate who’s right. One example is the use of the Urim and Thummin during Moses time (Exodus 28:30). Another example is found in the book of Acts when the apostles were choosing someone to replace Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus.

Verse 19 tells us that it is always harder to settle a dispute between brothers. In fact, the closer the relationship the harder it is to settle any misunderstanding, unless one is willing to back down. Enmity between two brothers can be more bitter than two strangers. It is always harder to reconcile two hurting brothers. Their hearts are usually closely shut. It is harder than storming a stronghold with tough enforcement. 

Verses 20-21 suggest one way to avoid conflict is to speak cautiously. What we say can determine how others will assess us. It behoves us that we must always be responsible for the words we utter. Our words have the power to frame our world for us. We can create the environment for peaceful existence by our words or we can bring bitterness by saying the wrong things. Remember the power of life and death lies in what we say. Don’t make your bed hard because finally you have to lie on it.  

Proverbs 18:9-14 - How to be winsome in life

How to be a winsome person? What sort of qualities we need to cultivate in life that will make us people whom others will be attracted to? Proverbs 18:9-14 give us at least five traits that will help us win the friendship of others.

Verse 8 is a call to us to be a hardworking people. Putting the verse in a negative way, we are told that “He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.” Clearly, this verse is referring to a person who does not show diligence in his work. Such a person will not think that work in life is necessary so he fails to see the satisfaction and discipline work can bring to one’s life. He is lumped with people who destroy their property by not taking care of it. Like it or not, when we neglect our duties, we have set in motion the forces of destruction.

In verses 10-11, the author advocates that we should put our trust in the LORD.  This word LORD is translated from the word Yahweh, the covenant name of God. It is the name God revealed to Moses for Who He truly is. He is the God of all grace, who possesses all power and strength within Himself. He is the only one whose existence is not dependent on anyone outside of Himself. And when we seek refuge in Him we are safe. Dangers cannot threaten us when He becomes our shelter in life. He is our fortress in times of trouble. Some people make wealth their fortress and seek protection from it. They are deluded. Wealth cannot insulate us from dangers. It is foolish to think that with wealth we can avoid dangers. The truth is this: only our LORD can keep us protected. He is the only strong tower and fortress that we can have total protection.  

Verse 12 calls for humility in life. He is one who shows himself humble at heart. The proud will position himself to fall. By being haughty and prideful, he would be self- conceited and would separate himself from others. By doing a solo flight, he has none in his life to help him, hence, he will fail miserably.

Verse 13 advises us to speak judiciously. We must first seek to understand before we seek to be understood. It is utter foolishness to speak before one understands what the other party is saying. When we don’t understand a situation and hastily give a response, we may be giving advises that are counter-productive.  So, we need to learn to speak with care.

Verse 14 is a call to exercise endurance and patience. When we have resilience, we can bear up with a prolonged negative condition. We look beyond the existing circumstances and focus on the outcome. But when we lose heart, we will get discouraged easily. It will further weaken our resolve. We must be sure not to wound the spirit of another. When we do we will weaken his resolve. With medication, physical wound can be dealt with. But a wounded spirit may be irreversible.

So, let’s remember to put these five things in our heart and seek to make them our lifestyle. They will make us more winsome to others.     

Proverbs 18:1-8 – Speech patterns to avoid

It is said that “A wiseman speaks because they have something to say, but a fool speaks because he has to say something.” Our speech in life can advance a cause or destroy a relationship. When we are careful and thoughtful in conversation, we build and deepen friendship. Many friends are separated because of careless and thoughtless conversations. Proverbs 18:1-8 show us several speech patterns we should avoid so that our friendship with others will not be destroyed.

Verses 1-2 deal with condescending speech. In these two verses we are introduced to a self-will, conceited and highly opiniated person. He is not open to the suggestions of others but will instead go against sound wisdom. Such a person will only entertain his own ideas and illusions. He is likened to a fool and is uninterested in the wisdom of others. He will undiscerningly and carelessly speak his mind, though they are like a nothing burger.

Verse 3 describes another pattern of speech we should avoid. It is scornful speech. A person who engages in scornful speech is wicked and is disrespectful of others. Such a person shows no honour for what is pure and good. He will scornfully denigrate others whom he sees as a hindrance to his own evil desire. His speech is contemptuous and provocative leading to disharmony.

Verse 4 says “The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.” This is a reference to a person who engages in inaccurate speech. The “deep waters” tells us that many things he wants to say lie deep beneath the surface and are hard to comprehend. To understand what he is saying would require great effort. Whereas the words of a wise person can be easily understood. He makes it plain, simple and uncomplicated. His wise words will flow like a bubbling brook.  

Verse 5 describes for us a speech that is one-sided and discriminating. It comes from one who is unjust and would take the side of the wicked. Such a person is biased and won’t give attention to the righteous. He does not fully weigh what is right and what is wrong before he makes his judgement. He would only evaluate based on what he sees on the surface and then comes to his conclusion.  

Verses 6-7 deal with an argumentative speech. The person who engages in this speech pattern is called a fool. From his lips will be words that create strife. What he says will create quarrels and violence. Whenever he opens his mouth, he creates trouble not only for himself but also for people around him. Such a person can be snared by his own words.

Finally, in verse 8, we are introduced to what can be seen as gossip. The whisperer is a gossiper. What he says are like sumptuous food and are often taken in, log, stock and barrel by people who are gullible. His words do not just make impressions but will penetrate deep within the deep, inner recesses of the listeners.    

Remember our words can create harmonious relationship or separate friends. Here’s a quote from Norman Vincent Peale. “Watch your manner of speech if you wish to develop a peaceful state of mind.  Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitude and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful.” And the Bible urges us to speak judiciously. For harmful speeches are destructive forces that break up friendship. When we are careful, we will say only what we mean and mean what we say.

Proverbs 17:26-28 – The need for proper restraint in life

Wisdom in the book of proverbs has to do with relationship. A wise person knows how to live life with propriety and dignity. The wiser a person is, the better he will relate with others. The last three verses of Proverbs 17 show us what it means to exercise restraint in life.

In order to ensure orderliness in the home or society, corrective measure is often needful to ensure proper conduct and behaviour in life. But in administering corrective measure, one must ensure that it is done for the right reason and to the right person. To punish a person who is righteous and does no wrong is a perversion of justice.  And God is against the perversion of justice. Punishment is meant for the wayward and rebellious. Thus, it will be unjust to punish the righteous. On the other hand, it is also wrong to come against people who are noble. The noble is referring to people who adhere to sound principles. This sort of people dislike compromise hence it is wrong to punish them for their integrity.

Verse 27 tells us that to refrain from needless talk is wise. Remember what James 1:26 says, “If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless.” It is needful to exercise restraint in one’s speech. The truth is this: when one speaks recklessly he demonstrates a lack of self-control. It is true that wanton, reckless words can create needless enmity and create strife in a relationship. When one refuses to engage in needless talk he is considered wise. Even a fool when he refuses to engage in mindless talk is considered wise. But once he opens his mouth, he proves his foolishness beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Bear in mind that excessive talk may be an indication of a shallow mind. And when we are at peace within ourselves, we can come to any given situation with a composed spirit. In Ecclesiastes 3, Solomon tells us that there is a season for everything in life. In the second part of Ecclesiastes 3:7, he specifically said, there is “a time to be silent and a time to speak.”   This is exercising self-restraint and we must all cultivate it.

Proverbs 17:16-20 – Keys to peace

Peace is priceless and is needed if we are to live a fulfilling life. A wrong word or a mindless inconsiderate act will disrupt relationship and lead to unrest. Peace is specially needed in social relationship. What are some keys to peace and tranquillity? Proverbs 17:12-20 provide us with five keys to peace.

The first key to peace, given in verse 16, is to pursue wisdom. Wisdom comes with thoughtful relationship. It cannot be bought with money. Even if it is possible to acquire wisdom with money, a foolish person, who has plenty of money, will still not be able to acquire it. Why? Because he lacks understanding. He does not have what it takes to possess wisdom. He has no mental capacity to understand and perceive what’s right and what’s wrong. The point is this: wisdom cannot be bought with money. It can only be acquired with a perceptive heart.    

The second key to peace is found in verse 17. It is to nurture friendship. It is said that true friends are identified when we face hard-times. During difficult times when friendship goes through the harshest test, a true friend does not desert you. He or she sticks around to lend strength and support. A true friend is much better than a relative. Jesus is the friend who sticks closer to us than a brother.

Verse 18 show us the third key to peace. It is not to be a co-signee in any business transaction. This verse advocates that we shouldn’t stand as a guarantor for anyone. To do so will put one’s own property at risk and create anxiety and unrest in one’s heart.

The fourth key to peace is to live a humble lifestyle. Verse 19 says, “He who loves transgression loves strife; He who raises his door seeks destruction.” The word transgression is better seen as quarrels. What this verse tells us is that a person who is quarrelsome will incessantly nit-pick and quibble over the smallest of things. He will not stop until the person he nit-picks with responds angrily. What does it mean “to raise one’s door”? It is to be arrogant. Just as when one builds a high door, the structure may not be able to hold it, resulting in a collapse. It suggests that a person who is arrogant will end up being destroyed by his arrogance.

The fifth key to peace given in verse 19 is consistency. A person with a crooked mind cannot think straight. By his inability to differentiate what is needful, he antagonizes others. He will end up a bankrupt – spiritually and materially. An inconsistent person cannot speak with congruence. He will say one thing at one time and something else at another. He becomes an unreliable person.  Being perceptive, friendly, wise, humble and consistent will contribute to peaceful living. Let us go for it and find rest as we relate with the Lord and others

Proverbs 17:21-25 – Delighting our parents

Children are the pride of their parents. When they are obedient and receptive to good parental counsel they bring joy and delight to them. But when a child refuses to obey and instead walk in ways that are contrary to godly instruction, he will bring disappointment and sadness to the heart of his parents. Proverbs 17:21-28 are words of appeal to children to take the words of their parents to heart.  Every parent wishes to raise up wise children. But when a son chooses to live foolishly, he will be the source of his parent’s sorrow. In this verse 21 alone, the word fool appears twice. There are two types of fools. The first type will act blatantly in his folly and has no qualm in doing anything stupid. The second type of fools lacks mental prowess, he is senseless and dull. Both kinds of fool will be the cause of sorrow and grief to their parents.

Thinking of children who would bring sorrow, could have triggered Solomon to give a word of advice on the outcome of a broken spirit. A merry heart is good medicine for the soul. It increases the overall health of a person. On the other hand, when one is overwhelmed by sadness and the spirit is crushed, his overall health will be negatively affected. The word “bones” refers to the whole body. When children bring delight and cheer to the parents, they help their parents to increase in their overall health. But when what they do depress them, they will experience negative health. It is needful for children to seek to bring joy to their parents instead of sorrow and sadness.   

Verse 23 deals with bribe again. Without a doubt bribe will always pervert justice. This could be referring to the first type of fool who blatantly act contrary to sound words. He would give bribe to gain favours. But one who is sensible keeps his focus on acting wisely. They are those who concentrate and stay focused. Whereas “the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.” They can’t concentrate and their eyes are roving all over all the time. Hence, they chase after ‘a thousand and one thing’ aimlessly and miss the important issue of life.   

Verse 25 reiterates verse 21 by saying how vexing it could be for parents to have children who are foolish. The father will experience a broken heart and the mother a bitter spirit. It is needful for every child to be obedient to their parents and live righteously.  

These verses underscore for us the importance of godly parenting. Every wise parent must seek to inculcate godly values in their children while they are young. Remember to help them to factor God into their lives. So that when they grow up they will not depart from those godly ways.