Deuteronomy 21:9-14 – Making our marriage good

Israel as the redeemed people of God was called to live differently. They must live in the light of their relationship with God. How they conducted their lives, especially in marriage, must reflect their call as God’s compassionate people. Human life was to be valued. Just because a woman had been taken captive in war, it did not mean that they could do with her as they wanted. The proper protocol had to be observed if a man had spotted a beautiful woman captured in war and wanted to take her as his wife. Deuteronomy 21:9-14 discusses the protocol.

A captive woman whom a man wanted as a wife would have to shave her hair, trim her nails, and change her clothing. Then she would stay in his home and be given a full month to lament her dead parents. These actions were most likely part of the process of having her denounce her heathen past. Only after she had completed these rites then could he take her as his wife. However, after having her as his wife and he seemingly had grown tired of her, he was not to sell her off as a slave. Neither could he make her his own slave. He must let her go free.  

These stipulations show us how God wanted to preserve human dignity, especially that of a woman. Just because she was a captured woman did not mean that she could be treated without decorum and propriety. Then the requirement for her to go through the rites was also to ensure that she had severed with her past life and was ready to adopt a new way of living. The instruction forbidding the sale of the woman as a slave or making her one's own slave further enforced the dignity God wanted the woman to be accorded.

Here are two lessons: Firstly, we need to know that marriage is a serious matter. There are obligations to keep. So don’t flippantly rush into a marriage. Make sure due consideration is given before making such a commitment. Faithfulness and commitment must be given priority over beauty. Once we have made the decision to marry a person, be sure to stay faithful to it. Secondly, a man has the right to choose whoever he wants to marry but he does not have the right to treat his wife anyway he wants, especially when the marriage has worn through the years. There is a necessity to make sure we keep love growing and glowing in our marriage. One’s wife must be treated with dignity and propriety. A good marriage is the best testimony to a faithful God. Honor God by making our marriage good.