Like
all hard truths, the law and the book containing rules and regulation are also
hard to stomach. Yet it is needful for us to get acquainted with them. The Law
and the Book of the Covenant are intended to regulate and instil moral living
for individuals and peaceful living in a community. The no-nonsense and blatant
condemnation of wrong hit a guilty person hard. As difficult to read as they
may seem, we should not skip knowing them. For through them God’s character is
reflected. We get to see how just and fair He is. We are shown how concerned He
is for the plight of the victim. As serious followers of the Lord, it will do
us well to consider them seriously. We can see that God is an expert on human
relationships. The law and the rules He had laid down, when rightly observed,
help us to live morally, uprightly and peacefully with each other. The Book of
the Covenant covers a wide range of subjects.
Exodus 22:16-17 deal with pre-marital sex. Take
note that these two verses talk about the sexual relationship between two
consensual adults. It is not referring to a case of rape where a rapist would
be stoned to death. These two verses refer to sexual misconduct between two
persons. The implication we get here is that sex should not be a casual thing.
It must only be engaged by two people who had pledged their life to each other
in the covenant of marriage. In the case described in verses 16-17, the man is
said to have seduced the girl and she responded to his seduction. When that
happened, the man must pay dowry for her to be his wife. This would prevent men
from going around seeking sexual pleasure and not wanting to be responsible for
that relationship. This regulation given by God ensures that men cannot go
around, seduce a girl, sleep with her and then refuse to marry her. The right
thing to do for a man who had sexual relations with a girl is to marry her. The
dowry payment suggests that. The dowry is not an indication that the girl is
like goods to be bought and sold.
The dowry was just one part of the equation. The
consent of the father had to be sought even if the man could afford the dowry.
In most cases, the father would consent to the marriage to save the reputation
of his daughter. However, there could be a situation where a father could see
that the man was unsuitable for the daughter, and marry her to him would spell
disaster for her. He could then refuse to grant consent for the marriage. Even
when the father had refused to consent the marriage the man had to pay the
dowry. This was probably to ensure that the girl would have some support since
her prospects of marrying had been minimized. The whole purpose was to ensure
that a man who truly loved the girl would behave himself and ensured that they
had sex only after the marriage. If he thought that he could force the father
to marry the daughter to him, he must think twice. If the father refuses to
grant his blessing, he might not have the girl at all even though they already
had premarital sex.
Sex is a pleasure made only for marriage. It is a
subject that we cannot be casual about. This whole issue of pre-marital sex
must be carefully considered because we live in a culture where pre-marital sex
is so prevalent. Here in just two verses, we can sense God promoting a pattern
for godly courtship, marriage and sex. A godly man who has fallen in love with
a girl must not only preserve his own chastity but protect the purity of the
girl he loves. God holds him accountable for the sexual purity in the
courtship. The world may see this as old fashioned but it best reflects that we
have a God who is holy and pure.
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